


Rubatosis

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Heartbeat Kink, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9451781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: She remembers the first time she ever saw her own beating heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheOnlySPL](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOnlySPL/gifts).



> Date Written: 23 January 2017  
> Word Count: 726  
> Recipient: [](http://theonlyspl.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://theonlyspl.livejournal.com/)**theonlyspl**  
>  Prompt: Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.  
> Summary: She remembers the first time she ever saw her own beating heart.  
> Spoilers: While this is pre-series speculation and backstory for the flashback, it takes places nebulously in S6A, so consider everything we know about Regina and Cora up through mid-S6 as valid info.  
>  **Warnings:** Child abuse and canon compliant violence.  
>  Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Doggie Duo  
> Link to: <http://bdkk.shatterstorm.net/>  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions & AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…  
> Feedback: Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Once Upon a Time," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Kitsis/Horowitz, and ABC Studios. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Once Upon a Time," ABC, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: This was terribly painful for me to write. For one thing, it's the first fic I've written in three weeks, having not touched fic since I finished my big #666foryou _Damien_ project on New Year's Eve. For another, the abuse depicted, while still pretty canon compliant, is harsh and made my own chest ache to write it. And yet, it fits with so many parts of my headcanon for Regina and Cora's relationship early on. I can see this as a scene in S6, while Regina is dealing with the whole Split Queen situation. And yes, I'm sure some of you will notice that, once again, Regina is 4yo when this happens. I seem to have a _thing_ where these traumatic events happen when the character is that age, which makes me wonder WTF happened to _me_ when I was 4yo that I latched onto it so hard for my characters.
> 
> Dedication: My muses, as usual…
> 
> Beta: [](http://theonlyspl.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://theonlyspl.livejournal.com/)**theonlyspl**

It has always been something she notices. From as far back as she can remember, the constant thrum of hundreds of heartbeats would echo within the manor. Her mother's handiwork. The sound follows her everywhere, even in her dreams. She has no sanctuary in which to hide from the incessant noise.

She remembers the first time she ever saw her own beating heart. Mama had warned her about going into the secret room downstairs. As far back as she can remember, she's heard it every single day. Even now, she can hear the implied punishment in Mama's voice if she should ever disobey.

And one day, she did.

She was four years old, and the pounding in her ears was too great to ignore. Mama and Daddy were busy dealing with an envoy from King Xavier, and her nanny was distracted. Regina slipped down the long staircase as quietly as she could, but still her footfalls echoed on the stone surrounding her. At the bottom, she paused long enough to catch her breath before following the magnetic pull of the hearts. Once in the vault, she stood in the center of the room and spun in a slow circle. There were so many shelves, so many boxes, so many hearts... She would have screamed if the hearts didn't offer a kind of comfort to her. She didn't touch any of the boxes, but ended up falling asleep on the expensive rug beneath her, soothed by the lullaby of all of those hearts beating in time with her own.

She awoke to the sensation of sudden weightlessness and the sound of Mama yelling. The hearts around her began beating as quickly as her own, fear forcing hers to race and try to break free of her chest. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but the hearts made her feel safe. Mama kept yelling and the magic ropes kept getting tighter, and all she could do was try to keep still and quiet as she cried.

And then Mama stepped right up close to her, close enough that she could see the magic swirling in her dark eyes, and one gloved hand was on her chest, right over her pounding heart. And then it was just excruciating pain and _IF YOU EVER COME DOWN HERE AGAIN_ and Mama releasing her hold on something small and red in her palm. It took Regina a few seconds to realize it was her own heart cradled in that black satin-covered hand. Before she could even begin to apologize and promise never to do it again, Mama walked over to one of the shelves and pulled out a box. She opened the box and held Regina's heart over it. It was enough for Regina to understand the threat implied, and she nodded emphatically her assent.

The pain of her heart being shoved back into her chest was just as painful as it being torn out, but the second it beat within her body again, she began to relax. And as she relaxed, the hundreds of kindred hearts also slowed to a steadier pace. Mama seemed to realize that this was important and began to push for her to learn magic, whether Regina wanted it or not.

To this day, she is tied to those hearts, as well as all those she took herself. People call her callous and heartless to commit such an atrocity, but they will never understand that only when the multitudinous hearts beat in time with hers, thrumming out their call in her chest and her ears, does she feel safe and calm. They were the first sound she registered in the womb, these hearts that Mama magically took while carrying her. Mama never kept her own heart in her chest, and so these surrogates became the lifeline to which she clung ferociously for a sense of sanity and safety where otherwise she had none.

Even as she tries to find any survivors whose hearts she has in her vault, she knows there are countless others who have already passed on, but their hearts will remain magically connected to her. When the last of her hearts dies, she knows she will lose any and all sense of sanity she retains. It will be worse than when Mama died. At least then she still had her hearts to sustain her.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Circulatory (The Words Taken to Heart Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926488) by [AstroGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroGirl/pseuds/AstroGirl)




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